Three Question Marks
by Brainiac5
Summary: Is it love? Or is it a crazed fangirl-stalker who won't leave Brainy alone? Whatever happens, if there's a fangirl involved, you KNOW there's going to be trouble! But please, Lightning Lad, leave a shred of the poor Coluan's dignity intact-- we beg you!
1. Prologue: The Legion Insider

**Prologue: The 'Legion Insider'**

"It's here! It's finally here!" Shouted Garth Ranzz, better known as Lightning Lad, dashing into the lounge where three members of the team reclined and chatted quietly amongst themselves.

"What's here?" Chameleon Boy asked, glancing up at the redhead.

Lighting Lad smirked. "The Legion Insider's latest edition: 'Exploring the Intricate Mind of the Legion's Good-Looking Genius-- Brainiac Five'!"

Brainy groaned and slouched deeper into the overstuffed couch he was sharing with Invisible Kid and Chameleon Boy. "I was afraid they'd go through with it."

"Are you kidding?" Lightning Lad crowed, "This'll be great! We'll know all your secrets!"

"The Legion Insider's articles are sixty-five percent extrapolation," Brainy snapped. "And five percent accurate."

"And the last thirty percent?" Invisible Kid asked, glancing at Brainiac Five.

"Pure propaganda," Brainy said bluntly.

"Okay, so we'll have what we _think_ are your secrets," Lightning Lad acquiesced. "This will still provide plenty of ammo. Like this line, for instance: 'he brushes a golden lock of hair away from his glowing magenta eyes, which contrast beautifully with his clear green--"

He was cut off by Brainy, who sighed loudly. "My hair is too short to fall in front of my-- wait, does it actually say that?"

Lightning Lad cackled in reply, handing his copy to Invisible Kid. "I'm dying over here," he complained, and doubled over in a fit of laughter.

Brainy rolled his eyes. Lyle began to snigger, then laughed out loud. Chameleon Boy leaned over and glanced at the article and began laughing also. Lightning Lad leaned over the back of the couch and joined the two in their frivolity at the Coluan's expense.

Brainy held out for three minutes of obnoxious laughter before he turned on the two sitting next to him. "Give me that!" he demanded, extending a hand expectantly.

"No way," Chameleon Boy replied, "You'd probably destroy it! Oh, this is _too_ _good_-- this is better than the piece they did on Cosmic Boy!"

"Definitely," Invisible Kid cackled, "How did they describe Cos, again…? Oh yeah, 'raven colored locks swept across a noble brow'… 'piercing blue eyes staring boldly'… 'shapely nose'-- what constitutes a shapely nose anyway?" And the three boys descended into hysterics once more.

Brainy sighed, slouching even further into the couch. After bearing another three minutes of laughter, he stood up abruptly. "Well, not that this half-hour hasn't been enlightening, but I'm going to my lab."

The three hovering over the Legion Insider glanced at each other. "Tactical retreat!" they shouted at once, and began laughing with gusto.

Brainy rolled his eyes and strode from the room.

* * *

A/N: I have to thank my sister for this one. You just never know what's going to happen when you discuss fanfiction while washing dishes... I mentioned that I couldn't write romance, except comedy, from the guy's point of view. One thing led to another, and... well, here it is!

Another A/N: Is Invisible Kid in the Cartoon? I have no idea. I've barely watched any of season two-- this is set before season two, though just barely. Either way, I like Lyle... I should probably explain why I'm suddenly using him, though. On spring vacation, my family camped at a lovely seaside town. One day, we went into town to get some fish'n'chips and explore the shops. I noticed an out-of-the-way used book store, and checked it out. I found a bunch of 'legionairres' comics, and 'Legion of Super Heroes' and two of 'The Legion'... I was pressed for time, so I just grabbed any 'Legion of Super Heroes' that had Brainy on the cover, or within the first three pages. Anyway, long story short, I have seventeen comic books, and I've been having a field day with them. (Brainy has a mullet! gaah! *Hysteric laughter ensues*)

I've met the Time Trapper, Brainiac Four, COMPUTO, several incarnations of characters with different names *cough Live Wire cough* *cough Apparition cough* *cough etc cough*, And Brainy with four different hairstyles. *cue more hysterical laughter* Okay, the author notes are getting longer than the story, so I'll just post this now...

I do have to mention, however, that THE BRAINIAC ADVENTURES: "It's A Wonderful Legion" in Issue #100 is just about the funniest thing I've ever laid eyes on...


	2. Day One

**Day One  
****BRAINIAC FIVE  
**

"_Message for Brainiac Five._"

Brainy glanced up from his latest project, frowning in irritation. "COMPUTO, identify sender."

"_Question mark, question mark, question mark_."

Brainy frowned. "Repeat that."

"_Question mark, question mark, question mark_."

Brainy sighed. "Probably another advertisement for magnetic pulse converters. COMPUTO, display message."

The computer screen to the right of Brainiac Five flickered on and a simple text message appeared.

_My Dearest Querl_, it read, _You don't know me, but I desperately want to know you. I think you are the most amazing person in the universe. You are my hero! Forever yours, ???._

Brainy stared blankly at the screen for 3.225 seconds. Then he groaned and dropped his head on the lab table, sending minuscule components and tools skittering across the flat surface. "I knew it," he grumbled. "The first article they write, and I've already got a fan…punctuation." he sighed heavily. "Rokk has hundreds of fangirls sending him messages, ever since _his_ article in the Legion Insider…This is a disaster! I'll never get any work done! COMPUTO, erase message."

"_Message erased._"

"Good. Let's hope that's the end of it." Brainy went back to work, gathering up the scattered components and tools. "Just because _he_ answers six hundred messages a month does _not_ mean I need to invoke the same courtesy." Brainy smirked. "Besides, if I don't answer, perhaps this 'triple question mark' will not attempt to contact me again."

* * *

Three hours later, Brainy was still at an impasse with his work-- it wouldn't go together the way he wanted it to, and it wanted him to leave it alone. Brainy was about to get up and find a different project when COMPUTO spoke again.

"_Message for Brainiac Five."_

Brainy sighed. "COMPUTO, Identify sender."

"_Question mark--"_

"COMPUTO, erase message." Brainy sighed.

"_Authorization code?_" COMPUTO prompted, requiring a password if Brainy was going to delete the message without reading it. Ever since the Coluan had taken to deleting Cosmic Boy's messages about lab funding, the Legion had decided to require an authorization code before you could delete a message without reading it. Of course, Brainy evaded being discovered of ignoring funding complaints by deleting the message and then having COMPUTO delete any record of the message. At the present, however, the rule was still in effect.

"Alpha beta six six three five one two five four alpha; erase message," Brainy said dismissively.

"_Message erased."_ COMPUTO said.

Brainy sighed, setting down what he'd been working on and moving across the lab to examine a different project.

The door swished open. "Hey Brainy, thought you might want to read this," Cosmic Boy said. "It's the latest edition of the Legion Insider."

Brainy sighed. "I don't want to see it. I had hoped they wouldn't publish the article."

Cosmic Boy frowned. "Then why did you give them an interview?"

"I _didn't_," Brainy replied. "I sent them a diminutive anecdote of 'a day in the life', a holo-vid expressing my regrets that I could not meet with them, and that I preferred privacy to publicity."

Cosmic Boy glanced down at the article. "Really? That's all you did? They seem to have a lot of… information."

Brainy rolled his eyes. "Pure extrapolation, and heavy amounts of exaggeration, I'm sure. Don't tell me you actually went to an interview before they wrote your article."

"They seemed nice enough; they even treated me to lunch," Cosmic Boy replied. "Besides, they weren't hurting anything."

"No, they were simply providing all the adolescent females on New Metropolis with yet another heartthrob to swoon over," Brainy replied dismissively, moving across the lab to check on yet another project. "I completely understand how your stomach could be bribed to do away with your dignity."

Cosmic Boy frowned. "Brainy…"

"If you're satisfied now, I have work to do," Brainy said, signaling the end of the conversation.

"Tactical retreat," Cosmic Boy muttered, glancing at the article. He sighed gustily and shook his head at the Coluan. "Okay, Brainy, you win. I'm leaving."

"Good," Brainy said. "I abhor interruptions when I am working."

"Yeah, yeah… and how much does this stuff cost? We can't afford--"

"Rokk," Brainy snapped, "get out."

Cosmic Boy sighed in irritation and left the Coluan to his work.

* * *

"_Message for Brainiac Five."_

Brainy growled in frustration and hurled a piece of valuable equipment to the floor. "COMPUTO, identify sender."

"Ques--"

"COMPUTO, erase message, authorization code alpha beta six six three five one two five four alpha."

Brainy sighed, running a hand through his hair. _That is the fourteenth message today_, he thought grimly. _Good thing night is falling-- hopefully this errant punctuation…person… will find a more meaningful existence. Preferably sooner than later._ Glancing down, Brainy bent over and picked up the piece of equipment. "It appears to be undamaged," he said to himself. "Good." He tossed it onto a nearby counter and moved to the door.

"_Message for Brainiac Five."_

"COMPUTO, erase message, authorization code alpha beta six six three five one two five four alpha." Brainy said, slamming his palm on the counter. "When will this triple question mark figure out that I don't want to hear from whoever they are?" he snapped, glaring at the computer, daring it to answer him.

"_Message for_--"

"COMPUTO! DO NOT INFORM ME OF ANY MORE MESSAGES UNTIL TOMORROW MORNING!" Brainy shouted, then stomped out of the lab.

* * *

Chameleon Boy sat on the couch, staring helplessly at a blank computer screen. "Do you think Brainy got my message about this thing not working?"

Triplicate Girl reached over Bouncing Boy and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'm sure he's coming," she frowned. "COMPUTO, where is Brainiac Five?"

"_Currently, Brainiac Five is in his room attempting to sleep_."

Chameleon Boy slouched in the couch. "Great. He's too tired to fix it, then."

Bouncing boy frowned in confusion. "It shouldn't take too long, though. Usually he doesn't mind, if whatever we want doesn't take long. I wonder…" Bouncing Boy stroked his chin. "COMPUTO, did Brainiac Five receive Chameleon Boy's message?"

"_Affirmative,"_ COMPUTO said.

"And then what did he do?" Bouncy asked.

"_Brainiac Five erased the message_," COMPUTO replied, _"And left for his room_."

"COMPUTO, did he even look at the message?" Triplicate Girl asked, sounding confused.

"_Negative_."

"He must be mad at me for laughing at him," Chameleon Boy moaned, slouching deeper into the couch. "Maybe I should go and grovel at his door."

"Don't worry, he'll get over it," Bouncing Boy assured him.

* * *

A/N: Urrr... I almost feel like Brainy is OOC... and it's bothering me... sigh. I hate Cos again. I liked him in the comics, but then I saw S2's "Karate Kid" and I decided I hated him again. I don't usually hate people, but in this case I decided to make an exception... Plus, I just watched Dark Victory, and I looooooved it! (I am, after all, the dramatic tension/emo/inner battles lover...) I think I talked to the characters through half of the episode... This is the third time I've watched it, the first time I only saw the middle of part 2-- (urk), and the second time, for some reason it all loaded perfectly... BUT WITHOUT SOUND. Did anyone know that the only words you can lipread from animated characters during "Dark Victory" are "Brainy" "Brainiac Five" and "Room"?.... Back to the point. (Is there a point?) I watched Dark Victory, and decided my favorite part is when the Supes say "Brainy may not be human, but he has the biggest heart"... after seeing "Edge of Tomorrow" (I think), that was just... ohhh! (Was it "Message in a Bottle"? I don't remember...)

I also liked Message in A Bottle because of my research I had to do on Colu for Document1278803-4576a... I knew immediately whose technology was in that shrink ray... ah, research. Speaking of which, anyone know ANYTHING about Brainy's history prior to his joining the Legion? If you have any resources, PLEASE, let me know. That's my next fic...

ah, I digress mucho. Thanks for sticking with me and my many plot bunnies!


	3. Day Two

**Day Two  
****BRAINIAC FIVE**

"Brainy! What is the big idea?" Cosmic Boy shouted, bursting into the lab.

Brainy glanced up from a project, switched off a sparking tool and lifted his face shield. "Perhaps you should have asked COMPUTO if the lab was safe before you came in. Some of these fumes…" he shrugged, seeing that Rokk was not interested. "What do you want?"

"I want to know why you haven't responded to my hails," Cosmic Boy said, folding his arms.

Brainy shrugged and flicked the face shield back down, lifting the tool.

"Brainy," Cosmic Boy snapped.

"Why didn't you use the flight ring communicator?" Brainy asked.

"It wasn't really urgent, I just thought you might like to know about the malfunctioning cooling unit in section five," Cosmic Boy said. "Why aren't you checking your messages? Chameleon Boy thinks you hate him!"

Brainy glanced at Cosmic Boy with a disgusted look on his face. "He could have made use of the flight ring also-- it's designed to be convenient so that you don't _have_ to message me."

Cosmic Boy squinted slightly, not totally appeased yet. "Are you going to fix the cooling unit?"

"Eventually," Brainy said, flicking the tool on.

"Talk to Chameleon Boy," Cosmic Boy said.

"I would suggest you leave before long," Brainy said. "These fumes can be--"

"Dangerous, yeah," Cosmic Boy grumbled, opening the door. "Talk to Chameleon Boy."

"I will," Brainy agreed, then leaned over his project and continued working as the lab door swished shut.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Brainy set down the face shield and sighed. "COMPUTO, how many messages do I have?"

"_You have fifty-two messages,_" COMPUTO replied.

Brainy groaned. "Delete all messages from question mark, question mark, question mark."

"_Authorization code_?"

"Alpha beta six six three five one two five four alpha," Brainy said. "And if possible, block any incoming messages from said sender." Brainy leaned against a counter and glanced at the wall. "COMPUTO, now how many messages do I have?"

"_Three messages."_

Brainy sighed. "COMPUTO, display messages."

* * *

"So, for some reason Brainy is ignoring all of the messages we send him?" Shrinking Violet said, frowning slightly. "Why?"

Chameleon Boy shrugged. "Dunno, that's just what Cos told me."

Vi frowned. "I wonder why."

Cham grinned. "At least I know he doesn't hate me! Cos did say he looked a little frazzled. Maybe he broke his favorite test tube, or something like that."

Vi shook her head emphatically. "Don't joke like that; a good test tube is hard to replace-- it's like replacing a best friend!"

Cham glanced at her in surprise. "Really? Wow, that's… that's, uh…"

Vi grinned at the Durlan and winked. "Gotcha."

Just then, Lightning Lad poked his head in the room. "Hey, did you hear that Brainy is deleting any message you send him? I'm sending him a fake 'scientist of the century' award, just to see if he'll delete it without even opening it. This is hilarious!"

Violet sighed, rolling her eyes. "Maybe _that_'s the reason he's ignoring the messages."

* * *

"COMPUTO, what messages have been deleted by Brainiac Five in the past twenty-four hours?" Cosmic Boy asked, glancing at Saturn Girl.

"_Brainiac Five has deleted eighty-six messages from question mark, question mark, question mark and one message from Chameleon Boy._" COMPUTO answered.

Imra frowned. "Who?" she looked at Cosmic Boy, who shrugged. "COMPUTO, who sent the eighty six deleted messages?"

"_Question mark_--"

"We know that, COMPUTO. Um… is this sender inside Legion HQ?" Cosmic Boy asked.

"_Negative_."

"COMPUTO, if I sent a message to Brainiac Five, what would happen?" Imra asked.

"_The message would be blocked until further notice_."

"COMPUTO, why is Brainiac Five blocking messages?"

"_Unknown_."

Cosmic Boy sat back. "So you see, we have a bit of a problem. Brainy hates being interrupted in the middle of his work, so if we hailed him using the flight ring he'll be crabby for the rest of the day. But if we use the messaging system, we have no way of knowing when he'll read the message-- if ever."

Saturn Girl nodded. "Of course, we could always have COMPUTO forward the messages from tri-question mark to you, or me. Then Brainy wouldn't have to worry about it."

"Good idea," Cosmic Boy said. "Then he won't have to worry about it. Besides," Cosmic Boy smirked, "I'm a little interested as to who this tri-question mark person is."

* * *

"COMPUTO, how many messages have I received from question mark, question mark, question mark?" Brainy asked wearily, setting down a small tool and standing.

"_No messages."_ COMPUTO replied.

Brainy started, prepared to delete another fifteen or so messages, since he had neglected to check his messages for the past hour and a half. "COMPUTO, how many messages do I have?"

"_Twenty-five_."

Brainy flinched. "COMPUTO, how many are from Lightning Lad?"

"_Fifteen_," COMPUTO replied.

Brainy sighed, sitting down at the nearest computer terminal. "COMPUTO, display them at terminal seven."

"_Affirmative_."

* * *

Cosmic Boy was laughing hysterically. He was laughing so hard that tears pooled in his eyes. He laughed so hard and so long that his side began cramping painfully. Finally, he scooted over and allowed Saturn Girl and Phantom Girl, who were waiting to his left, to get a look at the screen.

"Oh…" Phantom Girl began laughing also.

Saturn Girl tried to remain professional, but cracked a grin as she read the message aloud. "My dearest Querl, I don't know why you refuse to reply, but know that I will never give up. I will continue sending these messages until the sun goes nova, and even after that. I love you more than anything or anyone, and I will never love anyone else. Forever yours, your affectionate question mark, question mark, question mark."

Cosmic Boy coughed and tried to resume a calm demeanor. "Don't let Lightning Lad get a look at this," he said.

"Don't let Lightning Lad get a look at what?" Lightning Lad asked, walking up behind the trio. "What is this…this is… no. No way. _BRAINY_ has a _FANGIRL?_"

"We don't know if it's a girl," Cosmic Boy admitted.

"Oh, this is perfect!" Lightning Lad cackled. "This is better than his 'tactical retreat' and his 'luscious golden locks' combined!"

Cosmic Boy glanced at Imra helplessly. "I've loosed a monster," he muttered.

Saturn Girl shrugged. "Brainy can handle him."

Phantom Girl grinned. "I can't _wait_ to find out what booby traps end up in Garth's flight ring-- or his costume."

Cosmic Boy shook his head. "Brainy isn't that… juvenile."

Phantom Girl smirked. "That doesn't mean he won't look the other way."

* * *

A/N: I was positive I uploaded this chapter! Positive!!! But hey, I uploaded this, so chapter three must wait.... or maybe I'll upload it...hmmm... no, I'll be stingy and hope to get more reviews that way! :D Mwahahaaaa! (Yes, I'm evil...)


	4. Day Three

**Day Three  
****BRAINIAC FIVE**

Brainiac Five stood in his lab, staring at the wall. He had locked the door and refused to leave as long as Garth was camped outside. You'd think after two hours the redhead would have taken the hint and left the distressed Coluan alone, but then again, Lightning Lad was never really known for his tact.

"Heeey, brainy!" Lightning Lad yelled at the security camera, waving his arms to catch the Coluan's attention, "When are we going to meet your new girlfriend?"

Brainy, who hadn't stirred in the last five minutes, paid no more attention to this hail than he had the previous thirty-five. He was lost in thought -or more specifically, thoughts- ranging from how he was going to get out of his lab without Lightning Lad spotting him to the most painful way he could remove Lightning Lad's memory. Another thought track was focused on his most recent project, and his remaining intellect was focused on the problem of how to resolve the 'triple question mark' troubles.

"Brainiac Five! I know you're in there! Open up!" Lightning Lad howled, pointing at the camera. "Is something going on in there that you don't want anyone to see? That's not a very romantic rezendevous point!"

Brainy glanced at the security monitor screens and rolled his eyes. "This is ridiculous," he muttered.

"WHEN'S THE WEDDING?!" Lightning Lad shrieked. "AND WHERE WILL YOU HONEYMOON?!" He stared at the camera for a moment, then sighed. "Never mind. I'm going to go pick on someone more fun…" he wandered off down the hall.

Brainy sighed and opened the door.

"Ha!" Lightning Lad shouted, leaping out from the nearest corner, "Gotcha!"

The lab door shut again.

Garth scowled. "Aww, man, now I've got to wait even longer…" he glanced at the security camera and waved frantically. "Heey, Brainy! When are you going to let the rest of us get a look at your girlfriend?!"

From inside his lab, Brainy sighed.

* * *

**--:--"****???****"--:--**

She sighed, hands poised above the keyboard, beginning to feel hesitation. _Sure, he hasn't answered yet_, she thought. _Maybe he's… working. For three days straight. Without once checking his messages. Yeah, right. Face it, you've failed again._

Leaning back in her chair, she ran a hand through her blue hair and sighed again, holding back tears. "They say I pick losers, but this guy takes the cake. Most guys would at least _reply_ and say they're not interested!" She frowned, pounding her fist on the keyboard angrily. "Oops," she whispered, erasing the line of gibberish her fist had produced. "Maybe…"

She leaned forward, her face glowing in anticipation. "Maybe a different approach."

"_I always found your hypothesis regarding psychoseismology fascinating…"_

* * *

**--:--****Brainiac 5****--:--**

Brainy finally emerged from his lab, ignoring Garth's shouts and making his way down the hallway. Anyone could see that he was irritated. In fact, one might even venture to say that the Coluan was _livid_.

"You read my messages," Brainy snapped, throwing open the door to Imra's unofficial counseling room.

Cosmic Boy and Saturn Girl glanced up, guilt written across their faces in multiple languages with permanent ink.

"Garth has been camped outside of my lab for the better part of eight consecutive hours. I believe this to be a health hazard," Brainy continued. "And his constant antics are distracting me from my work."

"I'll talk to him," Imra and Rokk said simultaneously.

"I must warn you that I may be driven to extreme measures if your talking is ineffective," Brainy snapped. "I want him away from my lab. Permanently."

"I think that's a bit harsh…" Cosmic Boy began.

"Permanently!" Brainy insisted, sounding for all the world like an adolescent on the edge of hysteria. "I refuse to negotiate!"

"I think you're overreacting," Saturn Girl said calmly.

"Overreacting?" Brainy repeated. "You have trespassed on my privacy. I have been hounded by some sort of insane stalker-lover-psycho, and Garth has been screaming at me through the security cameras for EIGHT CONSECUTIVE HOURS," Brainy snapped. "I want him away from me. If you cannot accomplish this, I may arrange some sort of restraining order to keep him from me. I could always program some sort of sensor to recognize his DNA within a thirty foot radius…" Brainy mused, his eyes gazing into space as he began thinking. "I don't think neurological 'pins' would be excessively painful… it would only take four hours…hmmm…"

"Brainy, we'll make sure he leaves you alone," Imra said quickly, not liking what she was hearing. Obviously, the Coluan had been pushed over the edge. "I think you need sleep."

"I don't sleep," Brainy replied snidely. "Still, it would be nice to get away from everyone for awhile… I believe I will avoid the lab for the next few hours…"

"Yes, you do that. I'll talk to Garth," Saturn Girl encouraged him, moving towards the door.

"He'd better leave me alone," Brainy said threateningly.

"I'm sure he will," Saturn Girl said. _Especially when I tell him what might happen if he _doesn't_._ _I'm almost afraid to think of what Brainy could do if he ever went crazy. Then again, there's always a fine line between genius and insanity. Who'd have thought that a _fangirl_ would push him over the edge?_ Saturn Girl shook her head slowly, heading down the hall to find Garth. Of course, he was waiting outside Brainy's lab.

Saturn Girl couldn't help sympathizing with the Coluan, if only a little bit…

* * *

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I got stuck after Garth was camped outside Brainy's lab... Ahhh, I love tormenting Brainy... this is so fun... MWAHAHA!!!! Anyway, I was gone for a few days when I normally get online, and I have so many reveiws... sorry if it takes me awhile to get to you... ^_^ but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it!


	5. Day Four

**Day Four  
****BRAINIAC FIVE**

"_Message for Brainiac Five,_" COMPUTO said blandly.

Brainy, who had been staring listlessly at the ceiling and listing the numerical exponents of two, sat straight up. "Identify sender," he told COMPUTO.

"_Question Mark, Question Mark, Question Mark."_ COMPUTO replied, without a trace of sympathy or even a bit of remorse at having relayed an unwanted message.

Brainy muttered something that, had anyone been in the vicinity, they would not have wanted to hear and plopped down in front of a view screen. "Display it here, COMPUTO," he said, sighing.

* * *

"DYAAAAAAH!!!!" Lightning Lad yowled, writhing on a tabletop. "MY HEAD!!!! OH, MY HEAD, MY HEAD, IT FEELS LIKE IT'S BEING SAWED IN HALF!!!"

His antics continued much in this manner, and before long Garth had drawn stares from several legionnaires.

Lightning Lad continued writhing, holding his head. "COULD IT BE… OH NO!!! I'M RECEIVING A MESSAGE FROM SOME STRANGE FORM OF PUNCTUATION!!!"

By now, several less sensitive members of the team were snickering. Other people were whispering back and forth, wondering where Garth Ranzz was going with this drama.

"THIS ROGUE PUNCTUATION HAS REALIZED THAT I WON'T READ MY MESSAGES AND IS NOW BEAMING THEM DIRECTLY INTO MY TWELFTH LEVEL INTELLECT MIND!!!" Garth yowled, now obviously mocking Brainy. "IMRA, SAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!"

"Lightning Lad, you could try being sympathetic," Cham suggested around a snicker, approaching the redheaded teen.

Garth froze and sat up, addressing the speaker. "Hey, the guy threatened me. That at least gives me the right to make fun of him behind his back."

Chameleon Boy considered this. "Okay," he smirked. "Works for me…"

"AIIIIIIIIIIIIE!!!!" Garth screeched again, drawing the attention of several legionnaires who had just entered the room and were wondering what one of the founders was doing sitting on top of a table. "MY HEAD!!!!! ARG, IT'S RECEIVING THESE STRANGE MESSAGES!!!! AUUUUUGH!!!!"

* * *

Brainy was having a difficult time deciding who he wanted dead more, Garth or his mysterious admirer. He couldn't leave his room without someone looking at him and snickering. Worst of all, no one bothered to tell him why. Almost like they thought they could protect Lightning Lad. As if Brainy hadn't seen the security footage and known what Garth had done.

How insensitive! Brainy wondered if Lightning Lad even understood the meaning of the four letter word that started and ended with the same letter. _Tact, Garth, T-A-C-T, is it such a difficult concept to grasp?_ Brainy shook his head. Cosmic Boy had stopped intercepting the messages. Already Brainy was regretting his insistence. He could have dealt with Garth on his own and never involved Cos and Imra. True, he would probably have been less gentle with Garth than they, but as far as Brainy was concerned, Lightning Lad could use a beating every now and then. Why let the fatal five have all the fun?

Brainy scowled at his door and walked out of his room. He managed an entire corridor before intercepting another legionnaire. Phantom Girl greeted him warmly with a humorous twinkle in her eye.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, obviously concerned.

"At present, I find myself feeling…ire," Brainy finally replied.

"Any particular reason?" Phantom Girl asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

Brainy just gave her a _duh_ look and walked away.

"Um… nice talking to you too!" Phantom Girl called after him.

Brainy ignored her and continued stalking the corridors. _If one more Legionnaire gives me a funny look,_ he thought,_ I might go ballistic. Really. I don't care how logical it is or isn't, I really, really want to hurt someone right now._

Fortunately, people seemed to recognize the flat, yet frighteningly furious expression the Coluan's face wore. No one sniggered, and no one was injured. Brainy made it to his lab without incident… and that was when the trouble started.

"_Brainy, we need some help in conference room three. Stuff is malfunctioning."_ Cosmic Boy sounded mostly apologetic as his voice emanated from the flight ring. He didn't want to interrupt Brainy, but who knew when the Coluan would next check his messages…?

"Stuff?" Brainy repeated, trying to hide the disgust in his tone. "Excellent. I shall repair this _stuff_ with the copious amount of information you have given me regarding how this _stuff_ is malfunctioning. It should not take me long, you have been very descriptive in your explanation of the _stuff_ and its malfunctions."

"_Um…"_ Cosmic Boy coughed. "_The repair shouldn't be very difficult. But the stuff is smoking_."

"Fascinating," Brainy said, "I must see this smoking _stuff_. No doubt I will appreciate its smoky _stuff_ness."

"_Um, Brainy, are you feeling all right?_" Cosmic Boy asked.

Brainy considered this for a long moment. "At present, or in general?"

"_Um, general_," Cosmic boy said.

"I am feeling ghastly," Brainy said, "And I have almost reached the point where I wish to go home and have a… a '_nice cry' _as I have often heard it put_._"

"_You mean _home_ as in Colu_?" Cosmic Boy asked, beginning to feel worried.

"No, _home_ as in the garbage disposal," Brainy growled.

"_You want to go home?_" Cosmic Boy asked again.

"OF COURSE NOT, YOU NASSHEAD!" Brainy screeched. "NOW WHAT IS THIS SPROCKING _STUFF_ THAT YOU NEED ME TO FIX?!"

"…_never mind_," Cosmic Boy said, deciding that the smoking stuff could wait until another day. "_It isn't a big deal_."

"Then why, pray tell, would you bother me about it _now_?" Brainy growled, clenching his fists.

"…" Cosmic Boy terminated the communication.

Brainy didn't see any need to reestablish communication, and retreated to a far corner of the lab and busied himself with some trivial project he'd been ignoring for weeks.

* * *

A/N: I've had this written for a long time, I just didn't get around to uploading it... starting next chapter, there may be a few sections from ???'s POV. I had SOOOO much fun writing the beginning of this chapter... and the part about the "stuff", and basically the whole thing. There may be a somewhat more romantic development approaching... arg, romance is not my thing... and now I'm attempting an OC romance, which is usually my least favorite pairing to read in ANY fandom... Of couse, ??? isn't a normal OC (I mean, how many OC's do YOU know with punctuation for a name? I can see it now, "Oh, my darling '_!?.:?!;_', I love you deeply!"... *insert hysterical laughter*) Anyway, stay tuned, and hope you enjoy the impending chaos...


	6. Day Four:2

**Day Four**

"**???"**

She was beginning to feel irritated instead of merely disappointed and despondent.

That dumb genius hadn't responded to any of her four hundred and thirty-six messages. He probably hadn't even read them. No, he probably _had_ read them and was laughing along with all of his Legionnaire buddies that such a dumb person like her had thought that she could make an impression on him.

She wasn't really sure what she was thinking, but whatever thoughts she had, they sure weren't happy. Her mind was a maelstrom of dissapointment and anger.

How _dare_ he be so rude?! Did he think that just because he was a superhero he had no responsibilities to the emotions and morale of the people he served? How _dare_ he?!

Growling, she stood and began pacing the room. Maybe if she demanded he reply… hah. Yeah, right. _That_ would work.

Maybe if she cried… oh, but that would only work if he saw her face, and then he would know what she looked like. She was ugly, disgusting, even. If he saw her cry, he'd know how ugly she was, and then he would never, ever talk to her because her hideous visage would scare him away.

She sobbed, covering her face.

How _dare_ he?! How _dare_ he?!

* * *

**--:-- Brainiac 5--:--**

Brainy sighed, dropping the project back onto his lab table. This was ridiculous, utterly ridiculous. He was being emotionally manipulated by an immature adolescent with electrical powers and an errant inquisitive punctuation. Closing his eyes, Brainy found his center, and thought calming thoughts… for about .25 seconds.

_How could he be so tactless and cruel?! If this were anyone else, they'd probably be bawling in Imra's 'counseling' center by now…_

Brainy shook his head and cleared his mind, a more difficult task than it sounds when you have twelve thought-tracks processing simultaneously.

_Maybe if I ask my secret admirer nicely to leave me alone, she will. _

Brainy rolled his eyes at the thought.

_And maybe I'll fall in love with her when she doesn't, and then we'll all 'live happily ever after'._

Brainy sighed. As if _that_ were likely. Ha.

"_Message for Brainiac Five_," COMPUTO said.

Brainy scowled. "Identify sender."

"_Question mark, question mark, question mark,_" COMPUTO replied.

Brainy's scowl deepened. "Delete… no, display message."

_My beloved,_ the message began, _I have come to realize that you are an excessively rude and unkind individual. I'm sure you are laughing at me and find it humorous that I am obsessed with you. I think that this sort of act is completely atrocious and juvenile, especially among mature individuals such as outselves._

At this point, Brainy really did want to have a good cry. Actually, breaking something expensive would probably have been just as effective. Instead, one thought track began to rant internally while he continued reading.

_He_ was rude and unkind? _He_ was doing something atrocious?! _HE_ WAS ACTING IMMATURE?! For heaven's sake, how was a 15-year-old Coluan with 12th level intellect supposed to act? It wasn't as though there was a manual somewhere, spelling everything out in black and white!

_I remain confused as to why you are ignoring me,_ the message continued_, but perhaps you can enlighten me. You don't have to reply to this message if you don't want to, I'm willing to meet face-to-face, where you can laugh at me in person. That has to be somewhat rewarding for you. Besides, then I'll know for certain the type of person you are, and I'll probably hate you. It would be better for both of us. You would be able to focus on your work and I would find someone else to love._

Brainy considered this. If they _did_ meet face-to-face and he laughed at her, she would hate him. She would find someone else. This sounded ideal to the Coluan, and he continued reading.

_I know this message is much longer than my other messages, but that's because I think I've finally come to my senses. If you do want to meet face-to-face, you can reply to this message, or you can wait for me to send another message with a meeting place and time. I'll be there, even if you won't. Maybe you can get a laugh out of that, too._

Brainy scowled. _This is anything _but_ funny. I don't laugh. Especially not at errant female punctuation marks who decline to allow me any sense of privacy. _He sighed, and read the final line of the message.

_Have a nice life. Sincerely, _

_???_

Brainy groaned. "COMPUTO, compose reply."

A blank message box popped up, and Brainy began to type.

_To the insufferable triple inquisitive punctuation,_

_Name the place and time. I honestly have no distinct preference, though a place that is not fraught with danger would be preferable. It would be most enjoyable to see you and laugh at you in person. Should I bring my teammates so that an entire group may engage in frivolity at your expense? You can be assured that I will laugh at you, and you will definitely know for certain the 'type of person' I am._

_Sincerely,_

_Querl Dox_

Brainy sat back and read over the message once, trying to decide if he should include an insult or two. He suppressed the urge to call this punctuation person names and instead sent the message off. It had only been four days since this had begun.

It already felt like a lifetime.

* * *

A/N: Stay tuned for more POV shifts. Hopefully it won't be too confusing. ^_^ I'm really enjoying this fic, despite the fact that there's romance involved.

PS: this is set between Season 1 and Season 2, and I have no idea how old Brainy is, I'm just making an educated guess based on how he looks. ^_^ If anyone knows his real age, please enlighten me. Otherwise I'm taking creative license here and just making it up. ha! it is called fanFICTION...


	7. Day Five

**Day Five**

**BRAINIAC FIVE**

"_Message for Brainiac Five._"

Brainy lifted his head from a desk, where he'd been resting his head and thinking, a common pastime when he was holed up in his lab because everyone outside the lab was laughing at his expense.

"COMPUTO, identify sender," Brainy said, leaning back in the chair and glancing expectantly at a screen.

"_Quest--_"

"COMPUTO, display the message on the screen," Brainiac Five said, steepling his fingers in front of his face.

_To the unkind Coluan genius,_ it began, _Ha. I laugh at your laughter._

_Creative,_ Brainy thought derisively. He couldn't escape the thought that, these days, sarcasm was one of his few nonviolent and relatively constructive releases of frustration.

_I laugh because, in the end, I will have the last word. And even if you think you've won, you haven't._

_Well, that's fine by me,_ Brainy thought. _I do not wish to win. I simply wish to be left alone. Perhaps once we are done speaking, this will have been accomplished. _

_But I'm sure you have more important things to do than read this, so I'll just move on to what you want to know._

"Thank you," Brainy said aloud, not thinking he could handle much more.

_The park, not far from Legion HQ. 7:00 PM. Be there, or don't. Either way, I'll be there._

_With hopeful expectation,_

_???_

"Hopeful expectation," Brainy grumbled, standing and moving towards the doors. "I'd better let Rokk know where I'm going, or else I might be trailed by Lightning Lad. So long as he knows where I'm going, he can keep Garth from following…" The lab doors opened and Garth, who was sulking at the far end of the hall, shouted.

"HEY! BRAINY!! HEADED OFF TO MEET YOUR GIRLFRIEND?"

Yes, he would definitely make sure Garth wasn't following him…

* * *

**--:--"???" --:--**

She carefully did her hair, though she knew it wouldn't make a shred of difference. Besides, he wasn't very nice anyway, why did she care what he thought?

But she did. She cared greatly, and so she continued with her futile attempts at making herself look beautiful, reminding herself all the while that the Coluan wouldn't care. Secretly, though, she wished that he _would _care once he saw her. Maybe he found ugly girls attractive! And maybe Superman had powers under a red sun! Maybe villains and superheroes could just get along despite their obvious differences in opinion!

The more she thought about the meeting, the more cynical she became, until she finally just walked away from her mirror and headed for the meeting place an hour early.

When she arrived at the park, she immediately noticed a slight problem with the instructions she'd sent.

The park was huge. More than huge, the park was vast. Gigantically, enormously, hugely vast.

She wondered where Brainiac Five would go. And when he arrived, wouldn't he be swarmed by crowds of adoring fans? Who wouldn't love an adorable, green-skinned, blonde, magenta-eyed…

Well, the description sounded like a disastrous clash of discordant hues. But somehow, the Coluan could pull off the contrasting colors with ease. _And that's just one reason why I love him_, she thought dreamily.

Shaking her head, she dislodged any remaining thoughts of adoration and focused. What would Brainiac Five do? Would he fly overhead? Walk in from the street? Sneak past in disguise? Perhaps… she could feel her cheeks begin to heat up in embarrassment. Perhaps he would dash around the park screaming: "HELLOOOO! ERRANT TRIPLE QUESTION MARK!! ARE YOU HERE?"

Hah, yeah, right. Like he would do something like that.

"Excuse me," someone said from just behind her, "you seem to be waiting for someone."

"I am," she said, turning around. "I'm…" Her voice faltered and died.

Brainiac Five stood in front of her, a quizzical expression on his face. "You are…" he said encouragingly, gesturing lightly with his hands.

"I…" she trailed off awkwardly.

The Coluan watched with slight amusement as her face flushed scarlet.

"I'm waiting…" her voice died again.

"I happen to be waiting also," Brainy said, sounding slightly irritated now.

"Really?" she asked dumbly, "What for?"

"The end of your sentence, preferably." Brainy said. "And…other things."

Other things. She had a feeling she knew what those _other things_ might be.

"Well, I'm waiting for a friend of mine," she blurted out, almost before she realized what she was saying. "And he told me to meet him in the park… but this is a big park." she giggled awkwardly.

Brainy shrugged, glancing around coolly. Then he smirked. "You didn't happen to see three question marks wandering around the park, did you?"

"Eh?" she squeaked. A sense of humor? She hadn't thought he would have a sense of humor. The article didn't say anything about that. "Oh, that was a joke," she realized aloud.

"Yes, and an 'inside joke' at that," the Coluan replied easily. "I'm sorry if I confused you." he paused and stared suspiciously at a redheaded man with a scraggly goatee, then sighed and glanced at her, turning away. "Well, I'd better--"

"I've seen you before," she said, quickly, hoping he would continue talking with her.

"Oh?" he said, turning and facing her.

"Yes, on the cover of some magazine the other day. You're one of the Legionnaires, aren't you?" she asked.

"I am," Brainy admitted.

"I'm sorry, I can't recall your name," she lied, pulse pounding in her ears.

"Brainiac Five," he said, smiling disarmingly. "I'm pleased to make your acquaintance. And you are…?"

"Allaena," she said. "Nice to meet you."

"Allaena," he mused. "Fascinating." He glanced up at a tree and focused on one of the leaves, his eyes narrowing slightly in concentration.

* * *

AN: Oooh! What happens next? Does he suspect? Does she confess? And her name is... Allaena? How on earth did the author manage to invent such an odd name? (Then again, how did she invent "Cselia", for that matter?) Stay tuned!

Quick note:

I've been told that both Brainiac Five and Lightning Lad are OOC. While I've been trying to avoid this, with a fic of this sort, I am finding it nigh impossible. So I have invented an excuse that seems to fit the situation.

For Brainy the excuse is: Adolesence, that nasty hormone roller-coaster experience most everyone suffers through.

For Lightning Lad, the excuse: they haven't fought any bad guys in at least a week. Can we say "Cabin Fever"? How about "Stir Crazy"?

Hopefully my lame explanation is enough to satisfy those reading and they can continue to enjoy the story without worrying about how the legionnaires would _really_ act. Just blame it on the bad guys, they're all at a convention or something... So now Garth is bored. What else is there to say?


	8. Day Five:2

**Day Five  
**"**???"**

"Um… nice day," she said, glancing around and shuffling her feet.

"The weather is fairly agreeable, yes," Brainy replied shortly, not looking at her.

"The park is pretty," she tried again.

"Yes, it is aesthetically pleasant," Brainy agreed, but said nothing more.

"So… has it been slow these days, as far as hero work goes?" she tried again.

Brainy glanced at her. "There's always something to do, but for the most part, yes, it has been relatively uneventful for the last month or so."

"Has _anything_ interesting happened lately?" she asked.

"Nothing out of the ordinary," the Coluan replied. "Except, perhaps, the fact that Lightning Lad has managed to be even more frustrating to me than usual. Probably because he's going 'stir crazy', as it's often put."

"Oh?" she asked, intrigued. "Lightning Lad frustrates you?"

"Quite a few people do," Brainy replied. "And I've heard that I am difficult to get along with also."

"Doesn't seem like it to me," she said quietly.

"That's because I'm not in one of my…'funks', as my teammates often put it," Brainy replied, staring at a cloud that crawled across the sky above them.

"Funks?" she repeated curiously.

"I've even been called 'obsessive-compulsive' on occasion," Brainy said. "Although personally, I believe the problem is that I think more rapidly than most people."

"Really?"

"I can thoroughly think about something eight times in the period it takes someone else to consider that same thing twice," Brainy said. "My mind moves quickly. Consequently, my mind tends to think about things much more often than other people's minds. Thus, I seem obsessive because I think so much about everything, when the reality is I simply have more time to think about things than other people do."

"And the compulsive part?"

Brainy shrugged. "I'm relatively as compulsive as everyone else around me. But since I think more and faster, my inner compulsions also tend to surface more often than most people's."

She considered this for a moment. "So you're saying everyone's compulsive at one point or another?"

"Case in point," Brainy said, smirking, "You have touched your hair fifteen times in the last five minutes, most likely due to the fact that there is a slight breeze. You are compulsively checking your hair-- you aren't thinking about it consciously, but inwardly there is something that drives you to make sure your hair is not mussed."

"You noticed how many times I touched my hair in five minutes," she said accusingly.

"I have to occupy my thoughts on something," Brainy replied, grinning. "I'm obsessive-compulsive, remember?"

She grinned back. "I thought all the legionnaires were kind of stuffy, uptight people. You seem nice."

Brainy glanced away awkwardly in response to the compliment. "Well," he said, quickly regaining his composure, "Don't tell the Fatal Five. They might think the Legion has gone soft."

She laughed. "Point taken."

After a long moment of silence, Brainy sighed. "Half an hour."

"Eh?" she said.

"I'm meeting someone in half an hour," he explained.

"Really? Who?" she asked.

"I don't know," he said sheepishly.

"You _don't know_?" she asked incredulously, forgetting for a moment that he was supposed to be meeting _her_ in half an hour.

"No," he said, "I probably could have traced the messages, but…" he shrugged.

"How do you know it's not a trap?" she asked.

"I don't," Brainy replied. "I've got a backup team waiting, just in case." he glanced at her, suspicion on his face. "And how would you know whether I should worry or not?"

"Because you said you could have traced the messages but didn't. I was wondering why you weren't worried," she replied. _Oops_, she thought, _I forgot, this guy's got a brain that moves at least twice as fast as my own._

"Hmm," Brainy said noncommittally, glancing up at the trees again.

"Is there something interesting up there?" she asked.

"Shrinking Violet," Brainy replied. "She keeps moving to a different position every time I look away."

"And your need to find her when she moves isn't obsessive-compulsive in the slightest," she said, smirking.

"I never said I _wasn't_," Brainy replied, glancing at her again. "Just that it seems that way to some people for less than logical reasons."

She couldn't help laughing at that.

The Coluan glanced away, and if he hadn't been a cybernetic organism, he might have blushed…

* * *

A/N: What? Could it be? The romance in this comedy that was suggested in the very first author note? (Raise your hand if you remembered that, then notice the author's hand is not raised... ^_^)

Anyway, even though I've always said that I like to shy away from romance of any kind, especially OC/Canon character romances (as OC romances tend to involve Mary Sues of the worst sort), I somehow began writing this OC/Brainiac 5 romance.

Another Quick Note:

I got really positive feedback on my lame excuses. Perhaps I should mention bad guy conventions more often...

Third Quick Note:

Please don't misunderstand my above author note. I've read a few (very few) romances where OCs and canon characters actually worked as a couple. It's simply that most OCs romantically involved with canon characters are author-inserts to live out the writer's fantasies with a canon character. (Or characters)

I tend to avoid it. Yet somehow, I myself am creating a strange fic that involves OC romance.

Yet Another Quick Note:

Allaena is by no means a self-insert. I have much more self-esteem (or dare I say it, _pride)_, and I would never have the guts to talk to the guy I like out of the blue in the middle of the park with no one around.

So there you have it: Author notes that are longer than the actual story...

Stay tuned!


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